So interesting enough, after so many years of not saying a single word, I get this random text message. A simple “hello, long time” was the first sentence. Not knowing who it was, the obvious question was asked; “who is this?”
Over the years, I have collected countless names and phone numbers. To be honest, I have had the same cellular number for almost 25 years. It was my first and only cell number I have had and want to keep it for as long as I can. It has become part of my identity, like a social insurance number. And over the years, people have come and gone in my life, so numbers get deleted as well when they leave. So it is no surprise that there will be times that I will ask “who is this?”
The response was (drum roll please), “Antonio.” At first I was like who, but then it clicked as my heart started to pound in my chest and my hands started to sweat. I asked myself “could this be THE Antonio? The one who used me for money, the one who told me he would always love me? The one who never told me he was getting married?” No, it couldn’t be!!!
Let me step back a little bit. I used to travel to a country in South America at least once a year since the age of 4. That country felt like my second home. Like any home, you make friends that you grow up and share things in life with. There was a boy who lived across the street from where I was staying. His name, you guessed it, is Antonio. He was this fair-skinned boy with light coloured eyes, hazel with a tinge of sea blue. About two years younger than me. I never saw Antonio as anything more than just a friend. We just played together whenever I visited during summer vacations.
As the years passed on and we got older, we started to go our separate ways but still tried to make time to see each other when ever I returned for a visit. I was no longer staying at the house across the street from Antonio, so seeing him every day was not possible. Nonetheless, we would coordinate a time and date during my trips to spend time together.
One year, I had to make a quick 10 day trip down for a family member’s wedding. I committed my self to at least one night to hang out with Antonio. The date and time was set. I picked him up in my rental car and we drove to a high end neighbourhood for some food and drinks. We stayed at this lounge for hours until he asked if I wanted to go dancing. How can I say no to dancing? So we went to a club near by, paid our $10 entrance fee, which included unlimited alcoholic beverages, and danced the night away.
It’s 2 A.M. and there was no way I was going to drive him or myself home. So lucky for us, a high end hotel was next to the club. We checked it. The receptionist asked if we wanted two queen beds but Antonio was quick to say “no, a king will do!” So we went up to our room. I took a shower 1st. As Antonio was about to shower, he said he was hungry and wanted room service. I said sure and off he went.
I finally finished looking at the menu and decided to finally place an order. Suddenly, Antonio was behind me; naked! I did not know what to say or think. He grabbed and pulled me into him and kissed me!! Here I was, far away from home, in a hotel, with a friend I’ve known for most of my life. What do I say? What do I do? What will others say? I found myself kissing him, but with some reservation. Suddenly, Antonio stopped and said “do you not know how long I’ve known about you and wanted to do this?” I was shocked but curious at that same time. That night was the start of something that would forever change who I am as a person. It was a night that led me to truly fall in love for the first time with a man. A love that would end up hurting me, even from 5000 kilometres away!
TO BE CONTINUED…
On the Fence about Life 