High school is supposed to be one of the most exciting times in one’s life. But not for me! It was horrible…from bad perms to being called a faggot to having a grapefruit shoved in my face. Come to think about it, the only positive thing that came out of high school was actually graduating after changing schools. Sure I was elected to be a representative on the student council, but I think it was only because the students didn’t like the other candidate.
So why am I all of the sudden talking about high school? Well, I hate to think about it but I’m at an age where “In Memoriam’s” are being created on my high school’s social media page. Unfortunately, the new addition is D.S.. At first, I didn’t recognize the face but the name sounded so familiar. I decided to look him up in my yearbook and behold was the face of one of the guys who made it difficult for me to adapt to high school life. It wasn’t just him. It was the group of guys he also hung out with. This group started teasing and taunting me since the early days of grade 9.
In grade 9, I still didn’t know the person I was going to be, let alone what my sexuality was. Nonetheless, as hard as I tried to be “normal,” I guess there were some mannerisms, actions, or who know what else, that would have indicated I was a “faggot.” I tried to ignore the whispers and comments heard in the hallway. D.S. and his group would be the culprits for some of my angst and despair when I would see them in the hallways. These feelings were proven to be true when the “bully’s” demonstrated their true intent toward me.
I remember the day clearly as it was just a few days after my birthday. I was walking down the main hallway heading toward my fourth period class which was geography. I saw D.S. with the other guys (F.A., G.C., V.D., and A. C.) and my heart new something was up. As I got closer, I could see them looking back and forth at me. As I approached, they started walking toward me. Suddenly, I felt this sharp pain in face and things got dark. One of them had shoved a grapefruit in my face! After what felt like forever, they let go of my head and the grapefruit dropped to the floor. As they left me their standing in the hallway absolutely embarrassed, it was more embarrassing hearing what they said as they walked away laughing; “all faggots like it in the face!”
The humiliation still lives vividly in my mind. I tried not to cry, but I had to run to the bathroom to clean off my face. That’s when I cried for a brief minute, then composed myself and walked back to the my fourth period class as if nothing happened. That feeling still lives in me. It still hurts. It still embarrasses me. I wish I could have said or done something to defend myself, but I was all alone and with hardly any friends so I knew I would have no chance. And that’s how most of my high schools years felt like…alone, friendless, and unable to defend myself.
If I could go back, would I? I don’t think so. For what purpose? Maybe that incident made me who I am today. Maybe I’m pulling straws to find a reason for that incident happening to me. I know I am not the first nor the last person to be bullied, but I am hoping that D.S. was at one point able to acknowledge his actions before leaving this earth. I know I can forget, but forgiveness is much harder. He’s now gone, and thankfully I never saw him again after I left that school, but now I will never know if I ever would have forgiven him for being one of my bullies. All I can say now is RIP D.S.. I look forward to never seeing or hearing from again. Your memory will not live on through me.
On the Fence about Life 